The 507 Effect

When I was younger I had a veracious appetite for The Divine. My quest led me many places associated with many faiths. One place that it led me was to a Pentecostal Christian Church. For several years I was an avid Christian, on fire for the Lord and willing to go to great lengths to “save” souls. The Bible was my Sacred Scripture, even going so far as to get a concordance and checking the passages in the original Hebrew and Greek. While going to church, I would play music and dance passionately. I would literally beg and cry for Jesus and God to fill me with the Spirit, and to speak through me. I would empty my mind of self and roll around on the floor babbling meaninglessness and laughter like a madman. All with the intention of connecting to a higher power. All with the willful intention of opening my mind to other consciousness.
One night, while alone and sleeping on my mother’s living room couch, I was awoken by a strange phenomenon. My body froze in paralysis and I felt a pressure on my chest. The room was pitch black but I sensed a presence near my feet. My primal reaction was one of terror. Suddenly a high pitched, whisper breathing like voice rang out loudly and clearly inside my head. “I am Jesus…” it said. This was no voice from without, this voice came from within. The strange and scary voice was accompanied at the same time by a wave of “chills” and “goose bumps” that ran from my feet to my head covering my entire body. Instantly the paralysis broke and I sat straight up and turned on the lights.
That was nearly 10 years ago. Since that time I have lived many places and been many people. I have grown and I have most definitely learned. But since that time, maybe 15 times I have awoken with a similar experience. Never have I heard the voice again. Never have I so clearly received a telepathic message. But each time I awake paralysed and filled with terror. There is always a fear that there is something near my feet at the bottom of the bed. Sometimes I feel as if there are several presences circling me and attacking me unawares. On some occasions I have attempted to yell for help or to reach out and touch my lover. On other occasions I have attempted to harness a powerful blast of mana or chi directed at them in the name of The True Creator & Destroyer. Most times I wake up with a sore neck, always in the same spot on my spine.
This could be a recursive dream that is highly lucid, but I never “wake up”, I just become unparalysed. It’s not as if I am having a bad dream and I snap out of it. It’s more as if I awake from sleep into the phenomenon.