A recursive phenomenon

When I was younger I had a veracious appetite for The Divine. My quest led me many places associated with many faiths. One place that it led me was to a Pentecostal Christian Church. For several years I was an avid Christian, on fire for the Lord and willing to go to great lengths to “save” souls. The Bible was my Sacred Scripture, even going so far as to get a concordance and checking the passages in the original Hebrew and Greek. While going to church, I would play music and dance passionately. I would literally beg and cry for Jesus and God to fill me with the Spirit, and to speak through me. I would empty my mind of self and roll around on the floor babbling meaninglessness and laughter like a madman. All with the intention of connecting to a higher power. All with the willful intention of opening my mind to other consciousness.
One night, while alone and sleeping on my mother’s living room couch, I was awoken by a strange phenomenon. My body froze in paralysis and I felt a pressure on my chest. The room was pitch black but I sensed a presence near my feet. My primal reaction was one of terror. Suddenly a high pitched, whisper breathing like voice rang out loudly and clearly inside my head. “I am Jesus…” it said. This was no voice from without, this voice came from within. The strange and scary voice was accompanied at the same time by a wave of “chills” and “goose bumps” that ran from my feet to my head covering my entire body. Instantly the paralysis broke and I sat straight up and turned on the lights.
That was nearly 10 years ago. Since that time I have lived many places and been many people. I have grown and I have most definitely learned. But since that time, maybe 15 times I have awoken with a similar experience. Never have I heard the voice again. Never have I so clearly received a telepathic message. But each time I awake paralysed and filled with terror. There is always a fear that there is something near my feet at the bottom of the bed. Sometimes I feel as if there are several presences circling me and attacking me unawares. On some occasions I have attempted to yell for help or to reach out and touch my lover. On other occasions I have attempted to harness a powerful blast of mana or chi directed at them in the name of The True Creator & Destroyer. Most times I wake up with a sore neck, always in the same spot on my spine.
This could be a recursive dream that is highly lucid, but I never “wake up”, I just become unparalysed. It’s not as if I am having a bad dream and I snap out of it. It’s more as if I awake from sleep into the phenomenon.

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9 Comments

  1. Middle Man said,

    August 19, 2008 at 8:15 am

    Seriously dude, are you taking any medication!?

  2. cardona507 said,

    August 19, 2008 at 5:18 pm

    No, I don’t pollute my mind and body with “medication”.

  3. Middle Man said,

    August 20, 2008 at 4:13 am

    I seriously think that you should consider doing so…..

  4. cardona507 said,

    August 20, 2008 at 5:41 pm

    Why? So that I can cloud my vision? Or so that I can become another sleepwalking zombie. No thanks…. The kind of Drugs that you recommend are for losers…

  5. ~tilly said,

    August 20, 2008 at 6:20 pm

    I too have had the same experience…as a matter of fact I had it the first time staying at a preacher from the Assembly of God (Pentecostal). I can absolutely relate to the whole blog entry as although I never knew it, we have shared some of the same experiences in our youth.
    Crazy,
    the same EXACT experience…minus the Jesus talking…but the weight on the chest and entity at the end of the bed…who watched but never left…and I was awake…this has happened to me about 4 times….during very religious experiences.

    also.
    miss u guys…

  6. Middle Man said,

    August 21, 2008 at 8:39 am

    Oh come on guys! Sleep paralysis and hypnagogic hallucinations are quite commonplace:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_paralysis

    With you it seems to result in a divine manifestation, with others it could be alien abduction or gostly sightings. I guess the mind is a strange organ and can play tricks or reveal what you want it to do so. If Jesus did go to the trouble of speaking to you in such a direct manner I kinda wish he had something more illuminating to say. And no, I am not a non-believer!

  7. cardona507 said,

    August 25, 2008 at 5:33 pm

    Middle Man,
    Sleep Paralysis is common, I agree. I guess I didnt make the post clear enough about how creepy the “I am Jesus” voice was. It’s not that I think the voice was really Jesus. I think the Jesus of the church and the jesus of real life are way way different. The jesus of real life was just a great teacher. The Jesus of the church is totally falsified. But that is off of the point. The point isn’t that “Jesus” talked to me. The point is that during that time of my life I was willingly opening my mind to other entities. I feel as if the spirit that contacted me was the same spirit that causes world leaders to do harm in the name of religion. I don’t know if it is an alien or a demon or a spirit that is behind religion. But some greater entity causes these men and women to act in crazy ways, almost as if possessed. I think that I was getting a taste of the real “Jesus”

  8. Tilly said,

    August 25, 2008 at 6:06 pm

    and “Jesus” never talked to me, nor did anyone else…so feel free to 86 the “you guys”, bud!
    Just stating what happened to me and that it was similar.

    peace

  9. natalie yellowsun said,

    September 12, 2008 at 8:20 am

    “And after calming me down
    with some orange slices
    and some fetal spooning,
    E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose.
    He said, “You are the Chosen One,
    the One who will deliver the message.
    A message of hope for those who choose to hear it
    and a warning for those who do not.”
    Me. The Chosen One?
    They chose me!!!…
    You believe me, don’t you?
    Please believe what I’ve just said!
    See the Dead ain’t touring
    And this wasn’t all in my head.
    See, they took me by the hand
    And invited me right in.
    Then they showed me something
    I don’t even know where to begin….
    Overwhelmed as one would be, placed in my position.
    Such a heavy burden now to be the One
    Born to bear and bring to all the details of our ending,
    To write it down for all the world to see….”
    -TOOL


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